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Today's Mood:
 

 
 

Monday, October 20, 2003

It feels so weird to be living here in London. I mean, I’ve always wanted to move to London, for as long as I can remember. I still remember having my first English lesson in high school back when I was ten, and loving it so much that when I got home that very same evening I went to mom and said “Mom, when I am a grown-up I’ll live in London”. You should have seen her… started laughing… “A ‘right darling… anything you want…”, but I knew she thought I’d give up on that later on. I didn’t and here I am. But now it all seems unbelievable. It’s like being in some kind of dream when you fear you might wake-up and realize none of it was real… a bit scary sometimes. I am enjoying every single moment of my life since I’ve moved here. Go out and party loads, meet my friends and make new ones, or simply have a walk. I feel peaceful here, which is weird as London is known to be a stressful city.
Of course I do miss my family. I miss my mom’s advice and my dad’s silliness… I miss everyone so much. But it’s not as if I wasn’t going to see them ever again, right? I’ll be visiting them over Christmas hopefully. I really can not wait to see them all again. By then, Nani, my sister, will have given birth to my niece or nephew (I really hope it’s a girl… *laughs* …). I am so looking forward to hold that tiny baby in my arms. God, it must feel good to become a mother, to know that such a fragile life entirely depends on you. Having a baby is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to a woman… you just know that you have accomplished the most wonderful thing in the world… you created life. The most intense thing that could happen to a human being.
I want to experience that as well. I want a baby so badly that I see very man as a potential father. But please do not take me wrong here. I am not planning to have a baby with the first man I meet. Simply because I want someone who’ll love that baby as much as I will. Someone who’ll have the required qualities to become a father… a good father. I am not planning to have a baby now. I am still young and I still have so much to discover and experience. And most of all, I still did not find that special one who’ll make my heart go boom and long for a baby. I know that one day I’ll find just the person for me. A man with whom I feel completely natural. And especially a man who’ll make me feel complete. I haven’t met that man yet. I still feel like there’s something missing in my life… *sighs* …
Anyway, I remember being with my boyfriend of 4 years a couple of years ago. I had travelled to London to spend the week-end with him. We were having a walk in Camden Town, trying to find a pair of jeans when I saw that lady pushing a pram. I remember thinking that her baby was so beautiful and getting all silly. When I asked my boyfriend if he had seen the baby he just went like “No. Fancy a sandwich?” … pathetic!!! Honestly, that day I really felt like killing him with my own to hands. A couple of months later we split. I still don’t understand the way he behaved. You may not wish to have a baby (I can understand that… with great difficulties but still) but how can you just ignore a baby… it just feels unbelievable!!! Whatever…





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